April 19, 2005
Washington,D.C.,April 19, 2005 In a whirlwind of press exposure the FDA has introduced a new paradigm for human behavior by reconstructing the pyramids – the Food Pyramids, that is. Graphically portrayed, the age old message of “eat right and get plenty of exercise” is re-hammered by Mother Washington with iconic displays of stair-stepping stick figures and multi-colored pyramids, the latter coincidentally using, but not for the same purpose, the colors assigned by the Homeland Security Agency to advise threat levels to our society. Food groups, nutrition in general, and fundamental human behavior are all redefined in this monumental work.
The FDA web site offers a lengthy treatise on the matter in both English and Spanish, for the PC and the Mac (that's four versions altogether). A 70-page booklet is also available upon request, doubtless produced with equal verve and glitz.
Tough work, this pyramidal re-design. One might envision an office building filled with government employees toiling into the night to restructure the way Americans eat and exercise. Coffee makers boil into overtime, water coolers gurgle, and the mindless gnomes of the FDA chip away at the Herculean task. Millions of dollars are poured into the project. Outside contractors are brought in to develop themes and schemes. Wastebaskets fill with rejected ideas as the task forces labors to once and for all bring into play the complete dietary supervision of all humans in theUnited States.
The enormous cost of this project is not stated in the press releases, but judging from the critical selection of color, content, and graphic portrayal,Tom DeLay’s side money issues pale in comparison.
In a unrelated news story on the same date, the CDC has admitted that obesity has been overstated as a health threat. Cost of the many studies that proved otherwise, and the subsequent study that disproves the prior studies, remains a secret. One view might be that paradox is healthy because it brings both sides of conflicting issues to view. Get slim or die, but if you don't, it won't hurt you. Only in America could one enjoy the luxury of pound paring with a message of not to worry if you don’t, all from the same government that regulates the very processes of life.
Next on the agenda, Phased Toilet Usage to Prevent Uneven Demands Upon Public Water Supplies, color-coded with clever excremental icons.