A letter from a friend complains that our own misdeeds receive less scrutiny than those of others.
... I understand that your hat began to produce umbrellas at the Ridge Sunday before last, about which we never received a report subsequent to your being ejected from Huck's motor vehicle in your driveway -- as Huck wisely chose to vacate your person prior to any possible sighting or contact with one certain ML, who would likely NOT be laughing.
OK, here’s what really happened. While enjoying cocktails with friends after a round of golf, my friends took pleasure in sticking little cocktail umbrellas into every available vent hole of my cap. This silly act was allowed only so our young friends could have a little fun at our expense.
We were transported to our home at the conclusion of the session with the umbrellas still in place. Absent mindedly, we forgot they were even there.
My reply fully explains the innocence of the situation:
Re: Umbrella Treatment
Akin to acupuncture, this technique can produce
lethargy, even coma, when all bumberchutes are brought
to bear upon the skull. It was in the course of such
treatment that I became semi-conscious, and therefore
have no personal recollection of the alleged delivery.
Your knowledge, being superior to mine, though based
solely upon hearsay, may be quite accurate. I am in
no position to take issue with your account, owing to
the effects of the therapy.
Had I a better grasp for the event as described, it
certainly would have been fodder for the internet
blunderbuss. Ah, but alas, my journalistic standards
would not allow me take such license as to base a
report upon idle speculation or innuendo.
M.L., being unwilling to discuss the events of that
evening, could lend no credence to your tale. It was,
in fact, some three days later before we were once
again conversationally engaged. It may be said that
this unintended consequence of the alleged event was a
Thanks for bringing to light this rumor.
There you have it. Once again the truth prevails at Club Ned, even at the expense of self-deprecation.