VVV - Virtual Vacuum Volume
Having dabbled with computers since Uncle Sam pointed me in that direction some forty-three years ago, I have finally produced a technological breakthrough, the Virtual Vacuum Volume.
VVV is a computer hard disk partition, Drive V:, that provides precious respite from the tedium of daily activity. It does nothing. It is a virtual vacuum - silent, colorless, tasteless, but thereby refreshing and exhilerating. Cyber therapy is born!
FEATURELESS AND FREE
Absent the pop-up windows, ad-ware, spy-ware, mal-ware, VVV is a pristine portal free from parasitic propagations and persistent pestilence. It is user-neutral, buoyant in the sea of cyberspace. Nirvana at the click of a mouse!
To foul our nest there will be no DNS, IP address, spam, instant messaging, chat rooms, bits, bytes, blogs, HTTP, FTP, STMP, POP3, CRT, or USB, and you can watch it in your BVD’s.
When your fingers begin to ache from squeezing your stress ball, simply log on to Drive V: and stare into the blank screen. Impure thoughts, rage, disconcert, and all other demons are drawn into the abyss where they dissolve into the black hole of non-existence. VVV is like Bon Ami for the brain.
As I set up my computer for a shakedown run of the Virtual Vacuum Volume, a tingle of excitement ran through my body. My next click would send me into the darkness of cyberspace, a hideaway devoid of tension and discord.
As my screen went beautifully blank, the excitement gave way to a warm wave of calm that flowed from my brain down to my toes. It was working exactly as designed!
Suddenly, a message box appeared in the center of my wannabe-blank screen, warning that “Windows has detected an unknown device.” Seeking to cast out the unwelcome intervention, I pressed the ESC key, but to no avail. Windows kept working away, analyzing my “problem” and sending information from my computer to Microsoft (wherever that is).
A new message appeared complaining that a critical DLL was not found, as the hard disk of my computer churned feverishly, though not beckoned by the user. Cluttering my vacuum, Microsoft, still in control, summoned up a help window that displayed on my screen briefly before linking me to the Microsoft Support web site where I was presented with no less than 115 links to technical papers in the Microsoft Knowledge Base that defined my “problem.” Each of technical diatribes suggests such arcane procedures as editing and manipulating the Windows Registry, while warning of dire consequences if the procedure is not precisely executed. Unskilled as a registry editor and powerless to regain control, I simply stare into the cascading windows as they hop around on my screen.
The ESC key remains disabled, my mouse is muted, and Microsoft works laboriously on to rid my computer of my invention of nothingness. My Virtual Vacuum is becoming cluttered with unwanted digital debris and warning windows, against my will, and beyond my control.
OUT DIMMED LIGHT!
That was enough. I pulled the plug from the wall socket, disabling Microsoft in retaliation. Big Brother has caused the Virtual Vacuum Volume to be scuttled, and to the detriment of mankind.
Moving on, I have two new projects in mind, neither of which involving Microsoft’s offerings, present or future. Computers are out, and I step out into the world seeking new horizons as the morning sun graces the new year.
First is a waterless waterfall to bring beauty to arid settings, and solace to the beholder, much in the same spirit as VVV.
The second is a Global Wine Cooler to thwart the ominous threat of global warming.
Progress reports will be issued when progress, if any, occurs.